My return to writing, for my own good: a journal

JANUARY 2024

the beginning of this journey

1/20/2024, 9:49 am

At this point, I want to do everything except for school work. This past week, I've been using self-sabotaging outlets to cope with my stress. Whenever I fall into these phases, I feel hopeless and subconsciously like to bring everything down with me, even if some aspects of my life were going well and making progress.

Last night, I recorded another vlog (my third YouTube video with my face; wild to think about). This morning, I decided it would help me to start a blog. Don't most authors have them? Besides, it has always been a plan of mine.

So this is the first post. The first entry in my return to writing.
Now, it might not be the typical style of writing I'm used to. Not that I haven't journaled before. It's just, I'm a fiction writer. I write fantasy.

This, is real. Raw. Writing from the present, from my world.

I don't think many will follow along, and definitely not at this stage. But I've found that it has always been so much easier for me to put my feelings into words on paper than spoken aloud.

So let me list my goals, what this journey I hope will encompass:

I want to post about my books on my personal Instagram. I have a following of three hundred friends, acquaintances, and mutuals from various stages of my life. I currently fear the thought of exposing my (cringe-worthy romantic) hobby. I've wanted to do this so many times, but fear always keeps me from it. I don't want to seem attention-seeking. I don't want people to know me so personally, and I believe that all writing reveals a little bit about its creator.
I want to submit to every quarter of a writing contest I've been participating in for years now. I want to eventually win. I've gotten two honorable mentions before.
I am donating 100% of my profits to hospitals in Thailand that are in debt. Anyone following my Instagram will know that last year, I posted my commitment to donating all profits from my three books. This is not so much a goal, but a promise. This year, I want to work on my spirituality, and I believe that this is the greatest stance against my human greed, while also getting to help communities who need it.
I want to write one more novel. If not a novel, then something. I want to write something in my last year before graduating and turninig eighteen. I want to write something connected to my experiences as a teenager, perhaps turned fantasy. Perhaps more YA than any of my previous works. I want to write something of high quality, something beautiful and realistic that I will promote with all my heart and pride. I want to get it queried. I would love to have it traditionally published in the next few years, and if not, then my fourth self-published novel will do.

Most of all, I want to heal the scars 2023 left me. (It sounds dramatic, but there are still things I need to recover from.) I want to take control of my actions and be better. I made many goals, beginning 2024. The ones above are the writing-related ones I will focus on in this blog.

Yesterday, I began brainstorming my 2024 project. Today I plan to continue. Welcome to my journey :)

first check in: day 1

1/20/2024, 9:55 pm

I don't know if I'll be able to sustain this blog, so I might come up with a reflective format to follow. Today was not a terrible day personally, and I've spent the past half hour or so brainstorming. I think it's going well, but, honestly, my brain is a bit tired today.

What I have: the main storyline, the main messages, themes, and significant elements of worldbuilding only. Two title ideas that sum up the story. A newly illuminated hope and excitement to get started. Because this project, I can visualize meaning something.

I can't wait to continue planning tomorrow. I itch to write.

Other things I did today: I gave away two copies of my book to ANA Bookstores, a secondhand bookstore in the country. I was nervous about it and filmed some videos for a short vlog, but the shop owner received them. I wonder if anyone will buy my books from there.

me filming my vlog while walking through the building, trying to find the bookstore

^ pictured above: worldbuilding on google slides, routine :')I felt like designing this world to lean towards a Thai style, but not as Thai as my November 2022 project, which was Thai-mythology based and took more inspo from Thai tradition. This time I want to create a more blended culture for the setting.

pictured below: Plotting :)

day 2

1/21/2024, 3:48 pm

It's Sunday but I was out the entire morning, so I only just got to sit down and continue brainstorming. My favorite part of writing might be brainstorming, though now that I think about it, that's a lie, and I can't possibly decide on the best stage of writing because I love every moment of it (except for maybe editing LOL). Anyway, my story is starting to take shape. I'm vaguely outlining characters' roles. I genuinely look forward to this one.

For me, a good story is high concept. If a story of mine isn't high concept, I don't want to write it. This one feels high concept enough, and I'm interspersing the fantasy with coming-of-age elements. Genuinely looking forward to this!

1/21/2024, 4:55 pm

I LOVE WORLDBUILDING SO MUCH. Kind of tired though.

1/21/2024, 10:33 pm

Some more progress, on-and-off. I named four characters, hehe :) I outlined a plot as well, and so I'm just going to work on main characters before writing the detailed synopsis to follow while drafting.

Some context: For TBF1, I used a google slide with bullet points to plot my story (that went through MANY MANY revisions), while for TBF2, I believe I also had some points but more detailed (and the story went through fewer revisions; there was a better flow since I had more experience and was able to draft coherently in one shot). For TBF1&2 I wrote and revised more intuitively, but this also means that it's easier to lose a story thread. Before drafting CCS, I plotted a lot more, and drafted using a 3-page 3-act detailed synopsis, which included all the subplots and helped me draft super easily, maintaining a flow.

Since then, I've been mainly using the synopsis method for novels, point-method for short stories. So I think I'll continue with it for this project!

Back to characters before I go to sleep, hehe.

Overall, I feel like getting to brainstorm did help me a little in relieving my stress, but there were some moments where I still turned to bad habits. It DEFINITELY helped me delay the urges though!

day 3

1/22/24, 6:13 am

I woke up at around 5 am today and couldn't sleep so at around 5:20 I turned on my laptop and am now still typing in the darkness of my room, my sister still asleep near me. I've fleshed out the main characters, and have found an interesting common thread that I think also reflects in my own life, honestly.

What I've come to learn (not just from IB Literature) is that works can reveal a lot about an author at a point in time; that the authorial influence on a story is often driven by their context. (PLEASE DO NOT READ INTO MY PUBLISHED WORKS, THOUGH.) So yeah. If this story with these characters ever makes it out my Drive, you can see if you know what I'm talking about.

Regardless, I'm so excited. I feel so hyped for these characters to come alive; I find in them a depth not present in some of my other characters, a reflection of my own age and increased maturity from the time I started writing.

SO YEAH! WILL CONTINUE DEVELOPING THESE CHARACTERS TODAY (even if I have a lot of homework due... I'll manage, somehow).

6:47 am

This is so fun I don't want to leave my room. For the first time in so long, I'm finding such genuine joy in what I do that I don't want to go out and start my day like usual <3 THE BEST FEELING. OKAY I actually have to go out in a minute though. BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE JOY THIS PROCESS IS GENUINELY BRINGING ME. Also, blogging makes it feel so much more real, somehow, even better.

^ the exact kind of scene right now. Darkness. A girl and her laptop.The best kinds of mornings. Just like in my intense writing era, when it was my only distraction. Makes me recall the 4 am phase I went through where I'd wake up to write. It didn't last, but, those were the days.

day 3 pt. 2

1/22/24, 6:27 pm

I CAN'T NOT UPDATE BECAUSE MY IRL FRIEND. JUST. FOLLOWED. MY. PUBLIC. ACCOUNT. ON. INSTAGRAM. AHHHHHHHHH. I fought back the urge to block them and more people I know by telling myself that I want to share my account with everyone eventually.

WHY DID I WRITE SUCH CRINGE STORIES THOUGH. PLEASE. (IT'S OKAY I WAS YOUNG, I LIE TO MYSELF.)

OK I'M GOING TO GO DISTRACT MYSELF WITH WORK.

1/22/24, 11:07 pm

Got distracted a bit and also I'm so exhausted right now. I was mostly editing YT videos and texting people, but I did finish the synopsis for act I and a quarter(?) of act II. Haven't done much but I'll call it a day.

three years ago, on this day, I started drafting my second novel. I still mourn the past.

1/23/24, 8:07 pm

Today there were a couple moments where I felt a piercing loss. In the morning, with an announcement that should only be a little sad. And during a class, when I questioned my teacher about the climax of a novel, I was explained to a basic plot structure (exposition, rising action, climax, resolution). The latter hurt differently, hit because while I sat there, braving one of the only questions I'd ever asked in over a year, I realized that my teacher didn't know me as a writer, but I'd created for myself the reputation of someone who didn't care as much as I genuinely do.

I have some assignments to finish before I can do what I really want to: immerse myself in a new world still being created, a fingertips' reach and a keyboard away.

day 4 summary

1/23/24, 9:48 pm

I ended up editing the dedication page of 'Crumbling Celestial Secrets'... so in a couple days, any orders purchased will have the updated dedications page. I was in the shower when it came back to me - I'd been planning to change it for a while - to be more genuine.

1/23/24, 10:23 pm

I was originally planning to work on the 2024 main fantasy project but I ended up brainstorming a sci-fi short story for a competition... HAHAHA. And honestly, I'm having so much fun. I feel hyped. This one actually feels like it has good potential.

Also- I realize I've never written anything really sci-fi. There's been a couple short stories that are sci-fi reminiscent, but nothing involving aliens and clones and that sort... So this is really interesting for me.

Busy afternoon ahead!

1/24/24, 4:11 pm

I have a test tomorrow that I'm going to revise for... This year I'm going to get over my procrastination habit, I promise.

If I manage to revise until I'm satisfied with myself, I'll write (brainstorm.)

Past few days have been packed, the same goes for today and the weekend, but...

1/26/24, 6:59 am

Since some deadlines have been overcome, I hope to continue writing/brainstorming a little bit in the next few days :) Okay, I pulled up the novel brainstorming sheet and decided my short story plan seems more interesting; so that's what I'm going to be working on first. I also feel that the best novels I write are the ones that are planned over a longer period of time (allowing more thinking and brainstorming, more inspiration to influence) but are initially drafted in short periods of time (allowing for a consistent motivation and better flow). So I want to put more time into the novel synopsis as it'll be my blueprint while drafting!

Update: I was able to write the synopsis for my short story! And during my free period today I drafted the first 207 words (to an actually good quality imo) so I'm feeling very good! I have a lot to finish today though so I'm not sure if I'll have mucuh time for more. Hopefully so though because I genuinely see good potential with this story-- this is one idea I'm happy to invest in.

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